


parties and panic attacks

by DearTheodosia (DapperMuffin)



Series: the experience of loving [5]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Gen, Henry Laurens' A+ Parenting, Mild Hurt/Comfort, Panic Attacks, Protective Siblings, we stan eliza
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-07
Updated: 2021-01-07
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:13:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 943
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28617858
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DapperMuffin/pseuds/DearTheodosia
Summary: John is the oldest son of the important politician Henry Laurens, and, as such, he's forced to attend parties with his father and allow himself to be shown off like a trophy and not like a human being. Needless to say, he doesn't cope very well.
Relationships: John Laurens & Elizabeth "Eliza" Schuyler, John Laurens & Martha Laurens Ramsay
Series: the experience of loving [5]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1914802
Comments: 4
Kudos: 14





	parties and panic attacks

**Author's Note:**

> cw: panic attacks, H*nry being his usual self, slight mention of food near the end (it's really brief but i thought i'd mention it anyway)

John hates it here.

"This is my son, John," Henry Laurens says, clapping a hand on John's shoulder. His grip feels ironclad, like a warning, and John fights to keep his breath steady and a neutral expression on his face. "He's a good student. He hasn't gotten any grade lower than a B." _A lie._ John got a C once, in chemistry. His father made sure he never did it again.

"Aw, what a handsome boy," coos whatever politically important woman Henry is talking to. "Is there a special girl in your life? Anyone you've got your eye on?"

"No, John is a man after my own heart." Henry laughs heartily, and his fingers tighten on John's shoulder. "He'll only settle for the best, and he hasn't found anyone yet who meets his standards. Isn't that right?"

It takes all of John's effort to nod. He'd rather die than stay here a minute longer.

"Hi, John," a girl says, and John focuses his vision enough to make out a girl in blue standing in front of him. Her voice is familiar, but he's too deep in a panic attack to be able to figure out how he knows her. "Hello, Mr. Laurens, could I borrow John?"

"Of course," Henry says, and John can _breathe_ again as Henry releases his shoulder. The girl takes his hand, leading him away from Henry.

"John, I need you to breathe for me," the girl says. John thinks they've stopped moving, but he thinks he might vomit so he's not completely sure. "Can you do that?" John shrugs, uselessly blinking away tears in an attempt to clear his vision, but they come faster than he can blink them away. "John," the girl says, slightly reproachful. "Please." John doesn't respond. She sighs, squeezing his hand.

"Okay, I'm going to need you to tell me five things you can see." The shapes in front of John are blurred almost beyond recognition, but he can make out a few things nearby.

"Yo-you," John stammers. "The snacks. On the table. The table. Um. The floor. The, uh... wall. Yeah. The wall."

"Can you tell me four things you feel?" the girl says, and John desperately holds on to the sound of her voice, because without her hand and her voice, he'd be done for. (The last time he'd had a panic attack in public, his father hadn't taken kindly to it.)

"Your hand," John starts. "My collar. It's itchy. The floor beneath my shoes. Um..."

"The air conditioning is on," the girl observes helpfully.

"Yes! The air conditioning, it's cold," John says. His tears are beginning to stop.

"Tell me three things you can hear."

"The air conditioning. Other people. You."

"Good." John can hear her smile in her voice. It helps. His chest feels like it's loosening. "Two things you can smell."

"The snacks. I, uh, that's it," John says.

"That's okay." She squeezes his hand. "One thing you can taste."

"The faint trace of vomit that tried to come up my throat," John says, half-joking. Eliza purses her lips disapprovingly at him, and he offers her a half-smile. "I'm okay now. Thanks."

Eliza sees something over his shoulder. "Oh, Martha!" She pulls John over to his sister, and Martha instantly notices something is off.

"John, did you have another panic attack?" Martha asks. When he doesn't respond, she starts tugging at her sleeve. John doesn't think she even knows she's doing it. It's one of those nervous habits that makes him feel guilty for worrying her.

Martha turns to Eliza. "Well, thanks for helping him." She narrows her eyes. "You seem familiar."

"Daughter of Philip Schuyler." Eliza shrugs her head.

"Ah, yes, that would probably be it. You okay now?" Martha asks John.

"I guess," John says. Of course, _okay_ is relative. By other people's standards, he's probably still not back to _okay_ yet, but by John's incredibly low standards, he's still shaking but not hyperventilating, so yes he is _okay._ For now.

"What happened?" Martha asks, a crease in her forehead.

"Father was gripping my shoulder," John mumbles.

"Of course he was," she says, expression sour. "Of course." John's grateful that his sister cares about him as much as he cares for her.

Eliza lets go of John's hand. His senses may still be dulled, but that's one thing he recognizes right away. "I have to go rescue Maggie from that older woman," she says apologetically. Her long hair falls in her face when she tilts her head, and once again John wonders how she's so perfect. "I'll see you at school, John!" She waves a little as she leaves, and Martha turns to John.

"I should've learned my lesson by now, huh?" She lightly punches his shoulder, but her smile seems strained. "I can't leave you alone, can I?"

"Guess not," John says.

Martha sighs. "Come on, let's go play the game of 'avoiding anyone who looks important.' Thank god this isn't a dinner party." She takes his hand, and they proceed to skirt the edge of the room for the rest of the event, occasionally circling back to steal snacks from the snack table and whispering smack talk about the other partygoers.

At one point, Maggie runs past carrying an armful of chip bags, and Angelica follows in chase not long after. John stifles a laugh, pretending he isn't. At. All. Amused (a blatant lie). Eliza follows after her sisters at a slower pace, rolling her eyes. She makes eye contact with John as she passes, giving him a _would you believe her?_ look.

Maybe this wasn't the absolute _worst_ way to spend his evening after all.


End file.
